Still, I wish I had someone to talk to. About everything.

Diet

I got myself some diet pills.
I put on weight while mum and tiff were here and it makes me feel disgusting. I shouldn't have eaten so much crap. And I barely exercised. I am disappointed in myself for my lack of will power. Hopefully these diet pills will help me not eat so much shit. I am trying very hard to make myself look good and fucked if I won't get where I want to be.

Hmmm

Sometimes I find it very hard to deal with your moods. Especially if I can't just hide and cry somewhere. I know you don't want to, but I do things for you when I really don't want to. At least she's not sleeping on our bedroom floor. I just wish you'd understand.

Something

Something inside me hopes that you never remember this place, because I don't want you to think less of me. In the other hand, I want you to see I am being honest with you. I hope one day you will trust me wholly again. I am so ashamed of what I did.

I'm not losing enough weight. I got asked if I am starving myself the other day. I wish I was. Then I'd be thin enough for you. I want to be your perfect person. I am working hard to get there.

I can't sleep properly. I keep having strange dreams.