Pussy shit.

As I am complete pussy shit I have come here once again to vent my feelings instead of just going up to the fucking people like a a strong person would actually do and talking this shit out. And fuck it, you're the only one who reads my blog anyway and I actually want you to know that this is how I feel.


I feel like you've ditched me. Yes, I know that I was one of the first friends you kinda had at this school, and as you get more comfortable it is inevitable that you will find other people to hang out with and other friends that understand you more, but I still feel like I never ever get to talk to you anymore, and when I do it's entirely superficial. We were such good friends and now I don't know if I get that feeling from you anymore. I was annoyed when you didn't tell me straight away, but you told other people first. About the guy who didn't want a relationship. I realise that you wanted to say it in private, but all you have to do is tell me you want to chat. The only way I get to communicate with you is through our blogs, and you've stopped writing, so it's just a one sided conversation. It shits me up the wall when you don't say hi or goodbye. It seems that the only time you really talk to me is when you want to talk about someone else. I'm no god at saying this, so now it's all built up inside me. I might be making it worse than it is, but it;s how I feel right now. I won't be able to talk about this with you in real life, and that's why I am here, writing directly to you, but on my blog, so that it's less personal and ever so slightly more obscure.
I am pissed that you didn't say good bye today. I am super pissed that I seem to be replaced. I hate that. Don't you realise that I am irreplaceable? I don't hate you, don't get me wrong. I'm not even mad at you, I am just annoyed that this is going on and I can't stop it. I want you back, really. I want you to be mine again. Which is horribly possessive and wrong. Demeaning, even. And I am sorry that I think like that, but it's how I am. I don't want an all or nothing, I just want the majority.
I feel like you don't care as much anymore. I feel like you don't want me around. I feel like I have been replaced and that I will never be able to get back to where I was with you. I don't know when this happened or whose fault it is, but I wish it hadn't. And I realise that I have probably made ti worse by not just talking to you about it.
I'm sick of this happening to me, because I feel like I am just everyone's replacement friend when their best friend isn't around. It's not just you that has done this before.
So that's how I feel, more or less.




But I'm more than just a little curious how your planning to go about making you amends to the dead.