Scared

I am so nervous and scared about my exam that I am shaking. A lot.
I need to calm myself down, but it's hard. I need my friends, but they're not here. I need you and you just don't care anymore.

I am so lost right now. I must look crazy to everyone around me. A girl shaking this bad and looking like she's about to cry. I seriously can't deal with this. I can't. Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!

Stress

The stress of exams is killing me right now.
I just can't stop being so stressed.
I mean, i am LITERALLY throwing up.
I haven't done that since grade six.
I woke up in the middle of the night THROWING UP!
That's just wrong.
That shouldn't happen to people.


I don't know why my body does this too me. I have not felt stressed mentally at all. Why does this happen? I don't know how to stop it. My arms and chest are killing me. I am getting stress rash. This is so stupid!

Why does my future have to rest on the next few exams? Things shouldn't be this way.

Change

I fucking hate change.
I hate it when everything changes at once.
I hate it when I get paranoid about the change.
I hate it when I feel like I am losing everything I know, because of change.
I hate this.
I hate it.
I hate being so fucking crazy that I can't just accept things are different now, and always will be.
I hate that I am so scared of losing him.
I hate that my fear makes me paranoid that I am being too clingy and therefore pushing him away.
I hate that he ran away.
I hate change.
I really really hate change.

So

I thought, as it is the first day of school, I should update.
A way of making sure I remember the first day of ym last term of school ever.


I am so freaking tired. That's really all there is. It's so great to see everyone again, but I am just so tired! I was super hyper before, but I don't know if I am now. Kerry is doing a practice exam for maths next to me, so I am sitting here bumming around.

All I can think about is going to bed. BLAH!!


This is not my most profound blog post.