Blah

Yeah, I'm back.
Apparently I can't even kill myself.
Pretty sad, huh?
You'll get over it.
I probably won't.

So I feel like shit.
No surprise.
What do you want me to say?
I am beyond hope?
I just want to go back.


No matter how happy I seem,
I am not.
Do not be fooled.
For inside my heart is crying.
Don't try to help me.
You'll only end up the same.
So fuck it.
Fuck this.

Fuck off.

I feel like shit.
I am shit.
I want to die.
I really do.
But
(there is always a but)
I don't want to hurt anyone.
Because I know what it feels like
That's why I want to die.
I don't want to kill myself
Just to have someone else do it.
Because I know Jay cares
and even if he's the only I would make sad
by killing myself
That'd be worse than what I have to go through now.
So now I am stuck here.
I have to live through all this
all over again.
You have no idea.
I don't care who you are.
There is no way you could possibly know how I feel.
I mean, what could have happened to you to make you feel shit?
Try multiplying that by your lifetime.
And then adding the inability to communicate.
And maybe you'll have some understanding.
I mean, you may feel shit.
You may have some problem.
But right now I am selfish.
So fuck you.



You know what's worse?
I am too pathetic to even die.
I just hang around
bothering everyone else
for the sake of the person who I love.
The person who has saved me
more than he should have to.





I hate this.
I hate feeling like this.
I hate being this way.














My GOD!
Why do I suck so much?














You know what?
I think I might do it.
I don't know what you guys will do.
But I might just stop being a pussy
and do it.











I'll get those pills.
I don't care about cliche.
I'll swallow them all
I'll lie down
and be peaceful.
Forever.

Fuck off.

I feel like shit.
I am shit.
Shut the fuck up.


I hate this. I hate me. I hate it all.


Fuck off.


I need to swear to make myself feel better.


I'm agressive.
That way I won't be sad.

This sucks.
It's shit.
Fucking cunty mc shit fuck.












I hate this.

YAY

I am a shitfaceddickheadcuntbitchstupididiot.
Yep. It's a mouthful.
You know, I am lucky I am not dead.
Pretty cool, hey?
I mean, I get to be alive,
Just to put up with all my stupid ideas
and feelings
and being treated like shit.
It's great, don't you think?
Who would want to be dead when they could live like this?
Unmotivated.
Useless.
Angry.
Sad.
Stupid.
It's the perfect life.
The kind of life people fantasise about.
I am so lucky.






















I hate myself.

Golden.

So I don't really know what to write, again.
I have been sad. Incredibly so.
I suppose that's nothing special.
One of my poems is loved. I like it.
The love, not the poem.
http://i-want-your-skull.deviantart.com/art/Scared-112517435
That's the poem. Pretty funky hey?


So that's what has people talking. I guess that's about it.
I am so stuck for things to write. I am not happy enough.

Feelings...

Yeah. Went to school today. It was good. I wish I had gone yesterday. I love school.



I think I have done that thing where I make friends with knobs again. I have been talking to a guy called Jarrod (Jarryd, Jaryd, Jarod, who knows?), but he doesn't seem to want to talk to me.



----------------------


Okay so that yesterday. My theory is still correct. That's okay. I thought he was cool, but apparently not.



Today was average. Mum has decided to turn into mega bitch again. Just as she started getting somewhere close to almost okay.

I don't really know what to write. I am pissed off and sad. Nothing new, hey?



Golden-- Fall Out Boy. Awesome.


Lots of songs are awesome right now. I think it is a good sign.



I should leave. I don't know what ot write.

I'm back. Because I suck.

I just realised that I am better.
I am not half as sad as I used to be.
I eat.
I sleep.
I talk.
I see people.
I smile.
So many things are better.
I am lucky.







And yet I still feel strangely emtpy.

Neglectful... again.

Okay. I know I suck. I haven't updated in god knows how long.
Naturally it doesn't matter.
And the only reason I am updating is because my friend asked for the link.
It may have been a bad idea, but I gave it to her.
Hi Vicky!
I don't mean this to sound like I don't trust you, by the way. Like I said, it's extremely personal.

So I don't really know what to write. Fires are going around, but I am safe. I don't care if you want more detail because I don't want to give it to you.


I am at BSSC. It's cool.