Just fucking stop it.

Seriously, Louie. What is your fucking problem? Not yours. Just leave it be. Fuck. No one fucking cares that much anyway. It was bound to happen. It always does. Who fucking cares? Fuck this shit with a stick.
I can't believe I let myself do this again.
FUCK

Lalalalala

So I haven't updated in quite some time. I'm not really sure that there's much to update on, really.
My cousin Kelly is here from Sydney. Nothing bad about that. Don't know how to entertain her though. Lancefield is a pretty shit boring town.

I haven't taken my meds in a few days. So I am rather not great at the moment. But I took two today so I should be better sooner. Hopefully.



Well I have succesfully wasted all my time. It's been a good two hours since I wrote on this damn page. I am really bored and I just want to curl up and hide.

Overwhelming.

Pretty much sums up my life at the moment. Over-fucking-whelming. Why is it that the first half of the year is so fucking packed full of shit? You'd think the second half would be worse for it, but apparently not.
I seriously feel like I am going to explode. There's too much stress. Too much everything. I just can't deal with this right now. I am being eaten by it. I can't seem to get out of this rut. I know I do it a lot and that this will all pass, but it is really getting to me right not. I just need somewhere to run away to for a while. Somewhere with no stress at all.

Content?

So I am sitting here not doing much at all.
And I am forced to wonder, is this contentedness?
Is this what it is like to be nothing overwhelming.
To have just a regular emotion with regular effects?
But I do not know.


Today I get my beanie. This is exciting because I really want it. Jay was very very kind and gave me the money for it. I am really glad I have him. I just wish i had money to give to him, too. Instead, i just do regular things for him. I figure it kinda helps even things out a little bit. I know that sounds weird, but I don't ever want to feel like I am just bumming around. I don't want him to think I am too dependent, either. Or that he is giving so much for nothing.

I must spend all night making Elen's present. It will be difficult, but I really want it to work out. I am sure she'll like it. At the very least she will pretend. I want to make it something she will remember and love. I mean, it's her eighteenth. She deserves the best!

I don't really know what to write. There's only about half an hour left of school, so I guess even if I did know what to write I wouldn't get much time to do it.

That is all.

Poison

I am going to suck out the poisin from my life.
I will not let them get to me anymore.
It's over. I am done.
I will not let individuals hold power over me.
I will be my own and act as I wish.
I will live.
And happiness shall be mine.

Oh the Pain

Hello there!
It has been quite some time since I last wrote to you. Indeed, it is not due to procrastination this time, I have been off in the land of humidity and boredom. But, as I have now returned, you may read all of my new blogs soundly with the knowledge that my plain existence will once again intrude on yours.

I am a tad unwell. Not in the body, but in my mind. I am very emotional. I am crying an awful lot and that may be due to a very sporadic intake of medication, however, it is still rather annoying. I do hope that this problem is fixed soon, as I believe it is getting on Jay's nerves. He has adopted a new way to deal with my frequent breakdowns, and that is basically telling me to man the fuck up. Which is fine, it's pretty much what I have to do, but I guess sometimes I just want him to not get grumpy at me. I think that's mostly because it just makes me ore upset and leaves me feeling shitty. And I hate to fight. I dunno. I am far too odd to understand this.

I am glad that Jay is back, though. I am rather pissed at my parents or kicking him out. It's not like he actually did anything. I am also pissed that they didn't just tell him, they went through me. I don't get that. I don't understand why mum seems so intent on breaking us up. I mean, a couple jokes here and there are fine but when you start saying things like "It doesn't matter. You guys won't last anyway" it kinda makes you get a bit angry. Of course, when I confronted her about she denied ever having said or done anything. I really get very annoyed at her sometimes.

Class finishes soon, so I should be off.

Toodle-oo my darlings,
Louie.