Makala agrees that more people than usual seem to be trying to tick me off recently. I should tell someone, but what do I tell them? "These people are being cunts. I act like I don't care but it gets to me. Can you kick them up the ass for me?"
Please please please take away my anxiety.
I get the feeling I am going to right a fair few random lyrics in this entry. I always do when I write on papaer. Usually in fancy ways. I guess I'll have to make do in this.
Gone going gone. Gone people who give a damn...
I can't help but feel... nothing recently. I say I feel like crap, but that's only because there is no way to describe my feelings without sounding like a raving lunatic. It's just this weird feeling. Kind of like when your leg is numb enough not to feel pins and needles, but you can still move it a little. That horribly weird feeling.
Hmm... I'm bleeding. I don't know what I cut myself on. How odd...
That's kind of the feeling I get all the time these days. How pleasant. I guess it's better than feeling like crap...
No it's not.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Shrinky Mc Shrink Shrink
I wonder how Kim would feel if he knew I always reffer to him as my shrink. I don't think he'd like t much. I should stop.
Anyway, I went to see Kim today. 'Twas rather good. I didn't tell him about the cutting or anything. We talked about how I should set myself goals. Nothing big, just little silly things. You know, stuff I can actually do.
Today Chesh, Louis, Mitch and others decided to try and piss me off. It didn't actually work until they threw chips smothered in tomato sauce at me. They left soon after that.
I haven't really done much today. Worked on Liam's present a bit. I think it's finished now. I can't decide which version to give to him, though. I did ask for the help from fellow DeviantARTers though. Hopefully that goes well. (LIAM IF YOU ARE READING THIS DO NOT GO AND LOOK AT DEVIANT ART!)
I'm still having trouble feeling real. I refuse to believe it's dissociation. Infact, I know it's not. There is no way in hell I am dissociative. It's impossible.
What is possible, though, is me being extremely moody lately. I mean, more so than usual.
You know what's weird? I just looked at my hands and couldn't tell they were mine. Not until I saw the freckle. Even then, they didn't feel like my hands... they still don't.
CYBER PUNK'D VERISON 2.0
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
hey
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Hi
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
wats ur a/s/l?
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
16/F/QLD
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
ok... QLD... good place for summer and skoolies
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Yes.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
wats ur asl then?
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
18/m/vic
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Cool
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
hey wanna cyber?
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
or not, u don't hav 2
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
well ok if u like sticking floppy disks in the hard drive
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
; ) you bet I do.
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
nice well wat r u wearing first?
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
a red top, cut low-ish
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
tight black jeans
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
if it was up 2 me it will b thing but i'l
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Okay
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
im bak
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
where was i again?... thats write tight jeans
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
right*
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Yep.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Very tight.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
They kinda show everything off...
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
ur pants r skin tight... how do u get into them?
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I dunno, do you wanna try?
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
shit ya but i dnt kw who u r or wat u look like
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Uhh, here's a pic
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. sends:
-
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
nice..... but the clothes look better on my bedroom floor
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I bet they do.
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
1 way to find out
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
So do I.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
touch me
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
howz this?
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
feels good with my hand
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Oh, I love when you run oyur finger acorss my skin
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
slowly moving downward
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Ohhh.Ohh
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Are you touching yourself?
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
u wish
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
both hands on u
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Ahh.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Oh yeah baby
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
ur shirt and bra disapears like a fat person wif cake
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
slowly rubbing ice across ur body
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I slap you because it's cold
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
You like it
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
licking the driping
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
start in sum 4play
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
i pick u up and throw u on the bed
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I'm breathing deeply
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
My breasts are having
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
while striping ur pants u grab the old fella and start stroking
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
It feels so big
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
So hard and long
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
u take both hands,,,,, eventully all we have on is our birthday suit
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
u r craving it
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I am... so baaad.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Wait.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I want you to get on your hands and knees
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
i do wat u say hoping u will get the wip and ghains
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Oh yes
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Wait a moment
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
wat?
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
i cant wait
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I walk over the pter side of the room to get some things
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Stay were you are.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Do what I tell you
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
im horny and thinking kinky
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
ok
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Oh good.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Slowly, I begin to walk back over.
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
my heart is pounding
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I jump onto the bed
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I run the whip over your back
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
oh... ah it feels good
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Then I pull out a ball gag and strap it onto your mouth.
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
come on the hand cuffsa
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
then I slap them onto your ankles and wrists.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Then I stand behind you.
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
ya
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
And I shove my hard cock into your ass. I pump in and out in and out until I cum, and you scream in pain.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I lean over and say "Hey babe, I have AIDS"
I think we should start a whole internet thing for this. It's all so fantastic.
Anyway, I went to see Kim today. 'Twas rather good. I didn't tell him about the cutting or anything. We talked about how I should set myself goals. Nothing big, just little silly things. You know, stuff I can actually do.
Today Chesh, Louis, Mitch and others decided to try and piss me off. It didn't actually work until they threw chips smothered in tomato sauce at me. They left soon after that.
I haven't really done much today. Worked on Liam's present a bit. I think it's finished now. I can't decide which version to give to him, though. I did ask for the help from fellow DeviantARTers though. Hopefully that goes well. (LIAM IF YOU ARE READING THIS DO NOT GO AND LOOK AT DEVIANT ART!)
I'm still having trouble feeling real. I refuse to believe it's dissociation. Infact, I know it's not. There is no way in hell I am dissociative. It's impossible.
What is possible, though, is me being extremely moody lately. I mean, more so than usual.
You know what's weird? I just looked at my hands and couldn't tell they were mine. Not until I saw the freckle. Even then, they didn't feel like my hands... they still don't.
CYBER PUNK'D VERISON 2.0
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
hey
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Hi
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
wats ur a/s/l?
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
16/F/QLD
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
ok... QLD... good place for summer and skoolies
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Yes.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
wats ur asl then?
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
18/m/vic
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Cool
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
hey wanna cyber?
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
or not, u don't hav 2
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
well ok if u like sticking floppy disks in the hard drive
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
; ) you bet I do.
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
nice well wat r u wearing first?
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
a red top, cut low-ish
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
tight black jeans
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
if it was up 2 me it will b thing but i'l
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Okay
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
im bak
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
where was i again?... thats write tight jeans
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
right*
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Yep.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Very tight.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
They kinda show everything off...
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
ur pants r skin tight... how do u get into them?
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I dunno, do you wanna try?
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
shit ya but i dnt kw who u r or wat u look like
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Uhh, here's a pic
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. sends:
-
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
nice..... but the clothes look better on my bedroom floor
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I bet they do.
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
1 way to find out
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
So do I.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
touch me
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
howz this?
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
feels good with my hand
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Oh, I love when you run oyur finger acorss my skin
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
slowly moving downward
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Ohhh.Ohh
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Are you touching yourself?
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
u wish
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
both hands on u
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Ahh.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Oh yeah baby
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
ur shirt and bra disapears like a fat person wif cake
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
slowly rubbing ice across ur body
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I slap you because it's cold
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
You like it
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
licking the driping
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
start in sum 4play
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
i pick u up and throw u on the bed
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I'm breathing deeply
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
My breasts are having
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
while striping ur pants u grab the old fella and start stroking
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
It feels so big
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
So hard and long
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
u take both hands,,,,, eventully all we have on is our birthday suit
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
u r craving it
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I am... so baaad.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Wait.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I want you to get on your hands and knees
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
i do wat u say hoping u will get the wip and ghains
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Oh yes
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Wait a moment
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
wat?
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
i cant wait
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I walk over the pter side of the room to get some things
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Stay were you are.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Do what I tell you
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
im horny and thinking kinky
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
ok
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Oh good.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Slowly, I begin to walk back over.
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
my heart is pounding
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I jump onto the bed
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I run the whip over your back
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
oh... ah it feels good
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Then I pull out a ball gag and strap it onto your mouth.
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
come on the hand cuffsa
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
then I slap them onto your ankles and wrists.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
Then I stand behind you.
i was here but now im gone... i left my name 2 turn u on!!!!!!!! says:
ya
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
And I shove my hard cock into your ass. I pump in and out in and out until I cum, and you scream in pain.
Leviathan 1 days. 6 hours. 15 minutes. says:
I lean over and say "Hey babe, I have AIDS"
I think we should start a whole internet thing for this. It's all so fantastic.
Monday, November 27, 2006
I'm back again. More of a whinge.
Ok. So I still feel shit. No surprises there.
Today I have been yelled at by everyone for no reason. Normally I don't mind if people yell at me, but it's just that EVERYONE yelled at me for things I didn't do. I really hate that.
I am also having troubles being me again. I can't tell if I'm real anymore. Kind of dissociative, but not really that bad. Besides, I don't think I can really have dissociation. Isn't it to do with trauma, like rape and stuff? Oh gosh I sound so stupid.
And again! I feel crappy because there's nothing I am expecially good at. I don't have any special skills. I'm just Louie. Jack's "Jack the music man", Tiff's "Tiff the athlete" Jet's "Jet the reader" HELL! Even Polly is "Polly, the girl with amazing fashion sense" AND SHE'S FUCKING FIVE!! Who am I? "Louie. The weirdo who nobody really likes" Wow, way to make me feel wanted guys! Fuck I just wish there was something I was really good at. I don't even care what it is, I just wish it were something... other than being an amazing freak.
Oh I don't know. You can all kiss my ass.
Today I have been yelled at by everyone for no reason. Normally I don't mind if people yell at me, but it's just that EVERYONE yelled at me for things I didn't do. I really hate that.
I am also having troubles being me again. I can't tell if I'm real anymore. Kind of dissociative, but not really that bad. Besides, I don't think I can really have dissociation. Isn't it to do with trauma, like rape and stuff? Oh gosh I sound so stupid.
And again! I feel crappy because there's nothing I am expecially good at. I don't have any special skills. I'm just Louie. Jack's "Jack the music man", Tiff's "Tiff the athlete" Jet's "Jet the reader" HELL! Even Polly is "Polly, the girl with amazing fashion sense" AND SHE'S FUCKING FIVE!! Who am I? "Louie. The weirdo who nobody really likes" Wow, way to make me feel wanted guys! Fuck I just wish there was something I was really good at. I don't even care what it is, I just wish it were something... other than being an amazing freak.
Oh I don't know. You can all kiss my ass.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Emo?
Alright. So I've been feeling pretty crappy recently. I don't actually know why, but I do.
What may have been contributing to this is the fact that I feel like everyone is ignoring me. Of course they're not, but I feel that way... or maybe they are. I know they were once before. That was pretty crappy. The thing is, I don't know what I've said or done to make them feel like ignoring me. That shits me. It's fine to ignore me, as long as I've actually done something. If it seems like I don't know what I've done then you could always try telling me. But that's just an idea.
I've been making my leg worse again. I know I shouldn't, but I honestly can't help it. If it doesn't scar I will be very surprised. Apart from the fact that I scar easily, it is quite deep now.
Yes, well. This blog is more of a whine than anything else today. I must admit, I am ashamed of my blogging performances of late. I used to amuse myself, but now it's all very whiney.
I see Kim on Tuesday. This is good as I have been feeling crap. I don't know how he does it, but somehow he makes me feel better. I don't say much. It's usually just "I don't know." and usually I don't.
It's funny. I seem to know so much about everything but myself.
I know that my family is ignoring me. Either that or they have all gone suddenly deaf. They keep cutting me off, or acting like I haven't said anything. I mean, I know they're busy, but for fuck's sake! They could at least notice me a little.
What may have been contributing to this is the fact that I feel like everyone is ignoring me. Of course they're not, but I feel that way... or maybe they are. I know they were once before. That was pretty crappy. The thing is, I don't know what I've said or done to make them feel like ignoring me. That shits me. It's fine to ignore me, as long as I've actually done something. If it seems like I don't know what I've done then you could always try telling me. But that's just an idea.
I've been making my leg worse again. I know I shouldn't, but I honestly can't help it. If it doesn't scar I will be very surprised. Apart from the fact that I scar easily, it is quite deep now.
Yes, well. This blog is more of a whine than anything else today. I must admit, I am ashamed of my blogging performances of late. I used to amuse myself, but now it's all very whiney.
I see Kim on Tuesday. This is good as I have been feeling crap. I don't know how he does it, but somehow he makes me feel better. I don't say much. It's usually just "I don't know." and usually I don't.
It's funny. I seem to know so much about everything but myself.
I know that my family is ignoring me. Either that or they have all gone suddenly deaf. They keep cutting me off, or acting like I haven't said anything. I mean, I know they're busy, but for fuck's sake! They could at least notice me a little.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Thoughtless.
I know. Two posts in one day. I'm back to my old habits. I just had to write is all.
I have a new favourite song. Thoughtless by KoRn. I know it is rather emo to say so, but it is so vey much my life that it is scary. Want lyrics? Ofcourse you don't.
Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies,
Pushing all the mercy down, down, down.
I wanna see you try to take a swing at me.
Come on, I'm gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground.
Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think you're doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me.
I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me.
All...All my hate cannot be found.
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming.
So, you can try to tear me down,
Beat me to the ground,
I will see you screaming.
Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies,
I'm above you smiling at you - drown, drown, drown.
I wanna kill and rape you, the way you raped me.
At all pull the trigger and you're down, down, down.
Why are you trying to take a part of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think you're doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me.
I want you crying when your dirty ass in front of me.
All...All my hate cannot be found.
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming.
So, you can try to tear me down,
Beat me to the ground,
I will see you screaming.
All my friends are gone; they died.
(Gonna take you down!!!)
They all screamed and cried...
(Gonna take you down!!!)
I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body
(Gonna take you down!!!)
I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body
(Gonna take you down!!!)
I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body
(Gonna take you down!!!)
I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body
All...All my hate cannot be found.
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming.
So, you can try to tear me down,
Beat me to the ground,
I will see you screaming.
All..All my hate cannot be found.
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming.
So, you can try to tear me down,
Beat me to the ground,
I will see you screaming.
See? It's very much like how I feel always and forever.
Also. I told Dad about Josh. He ain't happy at all. I'm gonna tell the school and if they don't do anything then Dad says we'll take matters into our own hands. I'm glad.
That's all.
Toodles
I have a new favourite song. Thoughtless by KoRn. I know it is rather emo to say so, but it is so vey much my life that it is scary. Want lyrics? Ofcourse you don't.
Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies,
Pushing all the mercy down, down, down.
I wanna see you try to take a swing at me.
Come on, I'm gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground.
Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think you're doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me.
I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me.
All...All my hate cannot be found.
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming.
So, you can try to tear me down,
Beat me to the ground,
I will see you screaming.
Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies,
I'm above you smiling at you - drown, drown, drown.
I wanna kill and rape you, the way you raped me.
At all pull the trigger and you're down, down, down.
Why are you trying to take a part of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think you're doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me.
I want you crying when your dirty ass in front of me.
All...All my hate cannot be found.
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming.
So, you can try to tear me down,
Beat me to the ground,
I will see you screaming.
All my friends are gone; they died.
(Gonna take you down!!!)
They all screamed and cried...
(Gonna take you down!!!)
I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body
(Gonna take you down!!!)
I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body
(Gonna take you down!!!)
I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body
(Gonna take you down!!!)
I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body
All...All my hate cannot be found.
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming.
So, you can try to tear me down,
Beat me to the ground,
I will see you screaming.
All..All my hate cannot be found.
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming.
So, you can try to tear me down,
Beat me to the ground,
I will see you screaming.
See? It's very much like how I feel always and forever.
Also. I told Dad about Josh. He ain't happy at all. I'm gonna tell the school and if they don't do anything then Dad says we'll take matters into our own hands. I'm glad.
That's all.
Toodles
Ouch.
Today sucked. There was nothing good to cancel out the bad, therefore some not-exactly-shitty things were made even more shitty.
Josh (who used to go to my old school) was a dick head. Normally I wouldn't care, but it just reminded me of so much shit that I couldn't handle it. I was quite in the mood for a bit of a slapping at that point, but he hid behind his sister. His sister is a big fat emosexual cunt.
In art Brooke decided to beat me up for no reason. I obviously wasn't in the mood for this so I told her to fuck off and shut the fuck up. Of course she didn't. So when I fought back I kicked a cut she has on her leg. It required stiches at the time, but she's just hamming it up now (four months is enough healing time, don't you think?). So she then went fucking nuts at me and beat me up quite badly. Everyone seemed to find it rather funny. I did what I seem to do so often when people bash me up and just sat there and took it. I doubt my arm will get better anytime soon.
This was bad enough, but then Brooke decided that she could be a bitch to me. So I had to put up with more shit. She then went and fucking tried to scratch my eye out. This is bad as I have a new type of contact lense and have to be so very careful with my eyes. It seems alright now.
Jess was also a cunt. She was stealing my stuff (again) and pinching me and shit. It didn't hurt, but after all the crap I had got I was over it. So I am miserable, sore and very pissed off now.
Liam is once again not online. I hope he's okay. Perhaps he hasn't had enough milk... or oranges.
That cut is getting worse. I think it's infected.
I don't really know what else to type. I'm just oging to type because I can, now. It's always nicer to type something up. Maybe I feel better after it because I can vent my feelings a little... Who knows? Obviously not me, and I doubt you do.
I seem to be mildly addicted to Little Birdy. How nice.
I still won't cry. That'll make them too happy. I never cry. Never ever. If I do, I don't tell anyone about it. I hate to cry. It's like saying "Yeah. You broke me down. I'm not strong enough to handle your shit. Lay more on me. Go on. I'm already down Bring me further."
Liam is now here. This is good. I like Liam.
I may go now. I am getting crappy.
Toodles.
Josh (who used to go to my old school) was a dick head. Normally I wouldn't care, but it just reminded me of so much shit that I couldn't handle it. I was quite in the mood for a bit of a slapping at that point, but he hid behind his sister. His sister is a big fat emosexual cunt.
In art Brooke decided to beat me up for no reason. I obviously wasn't in the mood for this so I told her to fuck off and shut the fuck up. Of course she didn't. So when I fought back I kicked a cut she has on her leg. It required stiches at the time, but she's just hamming it up now (four months is enough healing time, don't you think?). So she then went fucking nuts at me and beat me up quite badly. Everyone seemed to find it rather funny. I did what I seem to do so often when people bash me up and just sat there and took it. I doubt my arm will get better anytime soon.
This was bad enough, but then Brooke decided that she could be a bitch to me. So I had to put up with more shit. She then went and fucking tried to scratch my eye out. This is bad as I have a new type of contact lense and have to be so very careful with my eyes. It seems alright now.
Jess was also a cunt. She was stealing my stuff (again) and pinching me and shit. It didn't hurt, but after all the crap I had got I was over it. So I am miserable, sore and very pissed off now.
Liam is once again not online. I hope he's okay. Perhaps he hasn't had enough milk... or oranges.
That cut is getting worse. I think it's infected.
I don't really know what else to type. I'm just oging to type because I can, now. It's always nicer to type something up. Maybe I feel better after it because I can vent my feelings a little... Who knows? Obviously not me, and I doubt you do.
I seem to be mildly addicted to Little Birdy. How nice.
I still won't cry. That'll make them too happy. I never cry. Never ever. If I do, I don't tell anyone about it. I hate to cry. It's like saying "Yeah. You broke me down. I'm not strong enough to handle your shit. Lay more on me. Go on. I'm already down Bring me further."
Liam is now here. This is good. I like Liam.
I may go now. I am getting crappy.
Toodles.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Mines.
Today was hot. Very hot.
I went on an excursion to Bendigo today. We went down the Central Deborah Mine. I tell you, despite being down there before, I was still scared shitless.
I was alright in the mine, but getting down there is the scary part. Over 60 metres down in a small rickety cage is a big NO in my books.
I held Rachel's arm on the way down. She didn't let me hold it on the wa back. Her arm turned all red and stuff. I think I hurt her. I know I hurt Lucy on the way back up.
Anyway, down there was alright. Had a crappy group but I got over it.
After that we got food. It was food-y. Nothing special happened.
We then went to the discovery centre. It was pretty much just illusions and challenges and stuff. Your usual Science Works type things.
On the way back to school I died. I didn't have any water and the bus wasn't air conditioned. I spent most of the time in a semi-coma singing to my MP3.
On the way home I was harrased by Cailan, Russel and Cassidy fucking touching and kissing my neck the whole time. It was alright when Cailan and Cassidy got off.
Anyway. I'm on the bus until the end of the line along with about 8 other kids so the bus driver bought us all icey-poles. We all love Rick.
Yeah... The cut on my leg is pretty bad. I can't wear shorts or short-ish skirts now. That sort of sucks considering how fucking hot it is nowadays.
Yet I still insist on making it worse.
Also, Liam has not been online today. This makes me sad as I like Liam and enjoy talking to him.
Ah well, I should be off. Toodles Minions!
I went on an excursion to Bendigo today. We went down the Central Deborah Mine. I tell you, despite being down there before, I was still scared shitless.
I was alright in the mine, but getting down there is the scary part. Over 60 metres down in a small rickety cage is a big NO in my books.
I held Rachel's arm on the way down. She didn't let me hold it on the wa back. Her arm turned all red and stuff. I think I hurt her. I know I hurt Lucy on the way back up.
Anyway, down there was alright. Had a crappy group but I got over it.
After that we got food. It was food-y. Nothing special happened.
We then went to the discovery centre. It was pretty much just illusions and challenges and stuff. Your usual Science Works type things.
On the way back to school I died. I didn't have any water and the bus wasn't air conditioned. I spent most of the time in a semi-coma singing to my MP3.
On the way home I was harrased by Cailan, Russel and Cassidy fucking touching and kissing my neck the whole time. It was alright when Cailan and Cassidy got off.
Anyway. I'm on the bus until the end of the line along with about 8 other kids so the bus driver bought us all icey-poles. We all love Rick.
Yeah... The cut on my leg is pretty bad. I can't wear shorts or short-ish skirts now. That sort of sucks considering how fucking hot it is nowadays.
Yet I still insist on making it worse.
Also, Liam has not been online today. This makes me sad as I like Liam and enjoy talking to him.
Ah well, I should be off. Toodles Minions!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Guess who's back.
Well it's been a while!
Not much has really happened. More self harm (because I'm so hardXxXxXxXxXxXxXcor emo). I actually cut... kind of. I carved my name into my leg. It just seems like I can't feel anything at the moment, so I did it to know that I was real. I am Louie and I am real.
I am wondering if Elly is really worth it. We're more friends then anything else... on my side anyway. I can't figure out if she likes me or not. Ah well, there's only one way to find out.
Harrison is being Harrison. We're kind of fuck buddies now, I guess. I can handle that =P
Mitch is just Mitch. We are officially friends. I'm gonna see if he wants to go to the Must concert with me or something.
Liam is pretty awesome. I only met him a while ago, but I've decided that he is almost as awesome as Matt. If I'm lucky (and rich) I'll see him at Big Day Out. Of course, if I don't I'll find some other way to meet him. ithink we have a fair bit in common... certainly enough for us to be friends, so that's cool. =D
Vitta is pissing me off with this JayJay Kane thing. I'm sick of hearing how happy she is that she saw JayJay's cock or how crap she feels because Kane's a child molester.
Matt's pretty Matt-ish.
School is pretty cool. Everyone seems to love me... or at least not hate me as much.
my hair is longer and I am more self confident again.
I found my rainbow arm band, so I am happy =P
I am getting better at arting. I quite like it. Sometimes it's easier then writing.
I've started the Get Louie To Big Day Out Foundation. $4.10 out of $126
Yeah,well, that's about all that's happened recently. I'll try and update more.
Kepp rocking,
Louie.
Not much has really happened. More self harm (because I'm so hardXxXxXxXxXxXxXcor emo). I actually cut... kind of. I carved my name into my leg. It just seems like I can't feel anything at the moment, so I did it to know that I was real. I am Louie and I am real.
I am wondering if Elly is really worth it. We're more friends then anything else... on my side anyway. I can't figure out if she likes me or not. Ah well, there's only one way to find out.
Harrison is being Harrison. We're kind of fuck buddies now, I guess. I can handle that =P
Mitch is just Mitch. We are officially friends. I'm gonna see if he wants to go to the Must concert with me or something.
Liam is pretty awesome. I only met him a while ago, but I've decided that he is almost as awesome as Matt. If I'm lucky (and rich) I'll see him at Big Day Out. Of course, if I don't I'll find some other way to meet him. ithink we have a fair bit in common... certainly enough for us to be friends, so that's cool. =D
Vitta is pissing me off with this JayJay Kane thing. I'm sick of hearing how happy she is that she saw JayJay's cock or how crap she feels because Kane's a child molester.
Matt's pretty Matt-ish.
School is pretty cool. Everyone seems to love me... or at least not hate me as much.
my hair is longer and I am more self confident again.
I found my rainbow arm band, so I am happy =P
I am getting better at arting. I quite like it. Sometimes it's easier then writing.
I've started the Get Louie To Big Day Out Foundation. $4.10 out of $126
Yeah,well, that's about all that's happened recently. I'll try and update more.
Kepp rocking,
Louie.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Turn for the best?
Well, it seems that things aren't so bad anymore.
Ash is talking to me again. Not as much as before, but talking all the same. WE figured out that Monique was just being a bitchy slut. So that's good.
Elly is well and I may ask her out right now. I shall.
As we speak I wait for a reply.
How did I ask her out, you might ask.
Like so: "Let's go out. =P"
"YOu how I think you mean?
ah now I can't speak."
"you're right. Yout can't.
What the hell does "you how I think you mean" mean?!"
"I'll try again. Do you mean what I think you mean?"
"That all depends on what you think I mean. =P"
I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND WOOT FOR ME YAY!! =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Look, I made a freak with many many mouths.
Anyway. Ben was at school today. He saved me from Maddi so I am very happy with him. =D
It seems as though all is well.
Also: Sorry Vitta. I was being silly. Freinds?
Much love
Ash is talking to me again. Not as much as before, but talking all the same. WE figured out that Monique was just being a bitchy slut. So that's good.
Elly is well and I may ask her out right now. I shall.
As we speak I wait for a reply.
How did I ask her out, you might ask.
Like so: "Let's go out. =P"
"YOu how I think you mean?
ah now I can't speak."
"you're right. Yout can't.
What the hell does "you how I think you mean" mean?!"
"I'll try again. Do you mean what I think you mean?"
"That all depends on what you think I mean. =P"
I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND WOOT FOR ME YAY!! =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Look, I made a freak with many many mouths.
Anyway. Ben was at school today. He saved me from Maddi so I am very happy with him. =D
It seems as though all is well.
Also: Sorry Vitta. I was being silly. Freinds?
Much love
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