There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness

I need to stop attaching myself to people all willy-nilly. It's wrong. I need to learn to be my own person, without relying on friends to keep me alive. Not only is that unfair to them, it is detrimental to their being. It is detrimental to my being.
I think a large part of it is because Jay isn't here. I need constant physical proof that I am loved, and having him so far away makes that very difficult to obtain. Without his constant touch I become a very needy person. Especially at the moment, seeing as, emotionally, I am not myself. It makes it difficult for me to behave in a normal and natural way, which in turn makes it difficult for me to think rationally. In the end, I am paranoid, lonely and clingy. Which is generally not a great combination.

I am, however, being somewhat sensible. I have not cut or anything like that. I have come close, of course, but I haven't actually done it yet. So that is good. Normally by this time I'd be more cuts than skin.So I suppose that is a good thing. I have also stayed away from medication other than my anti-depressants and the pill. I have essentially banned myself from using my regular coping methods in an attempt to become a "well adjusted individual".

I ran out of credit today. That normally would not be an issue, but as previously mentioned, I am not myself. So that has also contributed to the fact that I am horribly unstable at the moment.