Crushing Depression. YAY!

I feel like shit. Not too surprising, is it? I don't know what's wrong with me. I try so hard to be happy. I do everything I can to make sure that people think I am happy. I try to make Jay happy. I spend all my time making happiness but it just doesn't work. I am shit. I feel like shit.

I want to make this all end. I wish that I was able to make this all go away. I want some form of magic potion that makes this whole living thing a lot better. I want to make me feel good.

I don't really know why I am writing this down for the whole world to see. I can only imagine the ammount of times some random has stubbled across my blog and thought "Woah! That girl is WAY too fucked up for me!"
That sucks.

I don't know why I am so pessamistic at the moment. I don't really know anything at the moment. I am just a big pile of uncertanty.

I'm more insecure now than I have been in ages. I don' t know why. I just feel like I'm not good enough or people are talking about me or people think badly about me. It's not fun.

Exams are soon. Tomorrow infact. YAY! I am going to fail maths and BusMan, but I think I will get the rest. I don't know. I am not really worrying about it, but I don't like this. I feel like the way I am right now is going to get in the way of my exams. I hope it doesn't, but i am just not motivated at all.

I want to cry, but my eyes won't do it. I want to curl up into a ball and hide for the rest of my life. I don't want anyone to look at me and know what's wrong. I want to hide from civilisation. I want to be alone forever. I want to stay away from everyone that knows what is wrong. I want everyone to believe that I am normal. I want to be like them.



I don't know why I am like this. Does anyone out there know? I would love any sort of hint as to why I am such a pessimistic whore.

I feel so numb. I hate this. I want to be able to feel things like normal people. DAMN IT I WANT TO BE FUCKING NORMAL!!!