Anger.

My gosh am I pissed off.

Apparently my photos aren't as good as Kat's.
Apparently my photos arent "professional" enough.
But Kat's are.
And who would have said this, but Kat's boyfriend.

I was at Broken Instinkt's practice (as usual) and at the end they were talking about the myspace. Jay said he wanted the photos back up. Tom said he only wanted professional ones. Everyone made the point that it can be expensive. We started going through people we know who would take cheap photos.
I suggested Kat.
Not Tom's girlfriend. My friend from group.
You know what Tom says?
"OH YEAH! Kat's an AWESOME photographer. Her photos are amazing" and so on.
I mentioned that it wasn't the same KAt.
He kept talking about hers.
But mine weren't good enough.

HER PHOTOS ARE THE SAME AS MINE!
Only her's are in sepia.
SEPIA!
EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD IN SEPIA>

That is what pisses me off.
Tom is always right.
Tom always knows best.
Tom' girlfriend is better.

I cried.
I don't cry.


I tried really hard for those photos. I did the best I oculd. I was proud of them. I was proud that the whole world would see them! That they would be associated with the band.
Instead, Kat will get that pleasure.
I am sad.
And angry.








Today some stuff came up about my childhood. About the poverty. The things I saw. It broke me. It tore me apart.

I did my best to ignore those things. But now I see.

"One day I will see.
I will not want to,
But it must happen"

Who would have known that I could predict the future?

It has hurt. I want to crawl into a ball and cry. I want Jay to be there to hold me. He wants to stay at Ben's. I couldn't say no. Jay doesn't know what happened.

Please save me.
I can't do this anymore.